Why does no one talk about: what happens after "not drinking, not smoking and living without drugs"?
With due respect to those of us who suffer from addictions, I write this text, which I offer as a prayer to the Universe to be able to accommodate in my heart and mind so many loved, fun and brilliant people in my life. Including me, of course.
Within the range that corresponds to my life, it is rare someone who does not have any vice, be it legal, socially accepted, prohibited and / or prescribed.
What's behind the well-known slogan "if you drink, don't drive"? What happens when a safe and sound parent arrives at your home? Or when a girl was NOT raped? Or when some innocent did NOT suffer a fatal accident, because of someone in a drunken state? When is there NOT a family drama, by any of the members altered in their own perception? When does a guy decide to study a career instead of selling drugs? When does someone NOT wipe out the family fortune?
Alcohol for me was synonymous with fun. But one day I stopped taking “a cappella”. Thanks to a neighbor and a great friend who told me ridiculous and ugly that she had arrived at my house at night, and I just thought "and that she didn't go to the party." What I remembered badly, was what is said to him: to have mopped with my last name.
His comment hurt me a lot, which I recognize as a divine gift because I have seen many drunks who say worse things to them and cannot stop drinking. I have to admit that it hit my weak point, of the ego of course, but it worked.
Coupled with the raw and fear, or rather dread because of the mental gap that I brought, I declared my spell, which says: So I get bored the rest of my days I don't drink again, and in my mind I justified it with the following self-scolding: “because that alcoholism is a problem that I am not willing to kick myself, I already have enough fights to throw this spin on my nail. Also, I don't have the money to get into a nice rehab clinic. I'm going to end up in an annex and I feel like zero ”.
Excuse my Lady version of Polanco. I had no idea that the disease of alcoholism has two characters in dumbbell: the one who takes the substance and the one who supports the one who takes the substance; In other words, who depends, if it can be removed, a good dose of the bad party and family drama that those “big-parties” become, ends, but for that person to remove himself, a radical change of mental, emotional and emotional chip is needed. spiritual. A whole reengineering. A true miracle.
Exile is part of the adventure of sobriety on this planet.
Far from life seemed boring to me, I began to bore my group of friends, I say friends, if we were brothers at parties! Which stopped attracting me, I began to prefer day plans and more nerdy possible. Of course I was secretly thinking "what is this?" I felt that I had lost the meaning of socializing and the total grace of life, but I had assumed eternal boredom thanks to my spell.
I went through the family shame of saying openly one Christmas “I announce to you that I no longer drink and that I have not taken for several years”. A deathly silence continued, I will never forget my parents, turning to look into my eyes as if to say "what a shame with our daughter, excuse her, she will reconsider." There was no lack of the phrase "not even a little glass?" and as a militarized order to return to the dynamic, someone said: "How boring you have become!" Again my spell took effect, because I was able to hold myself.
I explained to them as a choking kick, that it was good for their health to avoid consuming alcohol and that as a possibility they could be proud of me instead of being ashamed. Just to give you an idea. They turned to see how what are you talking about? It was useless, he knew from the beginning. Then I discovered that in these times sobriety seems to be very innovative, risky and I can assure you that it is quite an adventure to “not mess with anything”.
From a well-known commercial area of Mexico City, I came to live in Tepoztlán, a magical, mystical, holistic, traditional and cosmopolitan town. I thought then, now if pure healing.
I had my first encounter with the pseudo-god cannabis, now socially permitted, in fact legal to some extent. Also with the respected sacred medicines. I'd like to say "I don't do that" but I'm too curious. I discovered my potential for "Santa Maria", I think it would be a great personality if I smoked something from time to time. The problem with me is that I am passionate, so I prefer not to take the risk. They are undoubtedly great experiences that open windows of the unconscious, but every weekend? I noticed that socially some people had changed the habit of going to the club for going to ceremonies.
I have been able to feel an exclusion, a kind of discrimination and, as in an alcoholic environment, they try to convince me to consume. What they sell me is the message that I am not done being myself. I read something like that between the lines.
They promise me that if I consume I will be super creative and I am going to produce a lot, that I am going to come up with millions of ideas, that I am going to laugh out loud, also that my mind is going to be very active… And the truth is that I don't want any of that because I already have it, what I would need in any case would be to land all those ideas that occur to me, but no substance has offered me coherence and make my projects come true.
At some point I got used to living with the distortion of narcotics in my body, my brain and in my loved ones who seemed wise and coherent to me. The incongruities of living together under these effects were justified and everything seemed "very normal" from the perspective of the Crazy Adams.
I forgot how to live well. It was like one day when I went out for a walk in the desert; I swore that I knew where the camp was to be able to return, but in its immensity I got lost and they had to go rescue me, because not having reference points could give me the mirage effect. This is how the "nothing happens to you" works in my case.
What happened after I came out of the closet openly?
The first thing I got to recover were the days of my life that he devoted to hangovers, but did he really want it? Because the hangover was the only way to stop my mind and be in a catatonic state without remorse. I received many calls a day from friends commenting on the previous night and I laughed again without stopping, I thought at that moment "how happy I am, how great". Anyway, I better stop him because he has his secondary gains. Later, I was encouraged to quit smoking and reached another level of sobriety. Just for today.
It is as if my senses had been refined, I began to perceive more subtle smells, different flavors, to feel the minimum changes in temperature, to recognize new parts of my body, to realize precious details of nature, people and myself. . To perceive in the instant when I ate something that I disliked. Or at the exact moment he caught a cold. To breathe and recognize if it is going to start to rain, to listen to the cicadas without confusing them with the buzzing of a car, namely, that if white butterflies appear, they are not only good luck but also announce changes in the weather, to notice at dawn the change of the song from crickets to little birds ... well, that's what I remember for the moment.
Boring and simple now I like, I confess, obviously I stopped being cool for him almost entire planet, but I recovered myself. And every day I confirm that I still prefer to change my "good wine" for being myself 24 hours a day, strictly and without mercy. I underline almost entire planet because I have faith in people who bet on sobriety, although I know very few.
Now "everything turns me on."
To look good, I would write “I don't want to convince anyone that sobriety is cool”, but it's a lie, because I feel very alone in this battle, which is practically a war. Most of the people around me continue to insist that I drink, that I smoke ... "You are so funny when you drink, with one nothing will happen to you, one day I would like you to try acids so that you feel true love" and very whimsical phrases. They are people that I love, they amuse me, they teach me. It is very difficult for me to say no, it is very difficult to still prefer me and continue to convince myself that not agreeing is fine for my body, my mind and my spirit.
They are making limits of steel, yes! And it is a tremendous energetic drain to separate people from this collective habit in my mind. Custom so well disguised it looks good. There is always the fear of being alone. I consider it useless to say that what had to happen inside of me was a real exhaustion and later lead to a miracle, and to be able to make this decision. It is the whole environment that is speaking through those people who are my weakness. They have no idea how many friends I have had to exchange for preferring to remain at peace with myself.
I live this as an adult, I have good habits and I am aware of it. I cannot imagine the miracle of saying "no to drugs" within a teenager or even children; who have absorbed the normalization of substance use since childhood. I sincerely believe that only God can make them prefer themselves. Because there is still social recognition of those who "excel" with a little help of some substance.
That it has always existed, if it is true, that it is common and most people do, it is also true. That is why I believe that sobriety is THE EXPERIENCE in this new era.
It is exhausting, sometimes I lose so much faith that I crave a cigarette, a mezcal and start ranting about life, criticizing, judging, as before I had a conscience and even took it as an outlet. But the void that precedes it now is devastating. I know it is a losing battle and surely there will already be those who stopped reading or listening to me because who prefers learn to appreciate a black lizard without a tail, until find graceWhat a good party with everything and raw?
Phew, I went to deep thinking that I could write a funnier text because I discovered that the stages of drunkenness are exactly the same as the stages of sobriety. Here's the list ...
- Total simplicity, including deprivation of air and / or pig laughter.
- Allegorical songs and regional dances with known repertoire.
- Revelation of the truth. The famous "You c_____ before me (you fell ill)".
- Exaltation of friendship. Does it ring a bell? You're my brother!
- Radical appreciation.
- Revelation of the true personality.
- Self-presentation with strangers.
- Vituperies against the State or the clergy (we said sober, not enlightened).
- Economic self-sufficiency. The typical "I invite!"
Hmm, I see that I owed them some:
- Calls to the ex at dawn.
- Moral self-sufficiency. The famous “What's wrong with you? I'm perfect!
- Sudden loss of balance.
- Difficult eviction from the property. The distinguished “From here, to where?
- Influence peddling. The elegant "Bring me the manager!" or "you don't know whose son I am"
- Damage count. The hackneyed "Where did I leave my car?"
- Transmission of guilt. The typical "Why did I listen to them?"
- Amnesia and raw morals. The unforgettable "What happened last night?"
- Subsequent oaths (usually broken). The memorable "I will not suck again."
I based this study on my personal experience and I see that I was left to owe some stages, but it is still good business. How do you see?
I clarify, all this can only appear without any substance in the body, or in the brain, after a gentle dose of performance in the face of reality, but I assure you that this It is the best party I have ever had in my life and it can be eternal and activated whenever I want.
Comment on the sidelines: my compas here have come to tell me that if I am "high". Yes, I repeat, I get so sober that it seems I smoked something. It gives me total simplicity, as if I had smoked pot. I can have a revelation in meditation just as intense as with ayahuasca. Divine messages come to me when I do what I like. I can connect with nature in an instant. I feel true love, like when they want to sell me the effects of acids. And to those who are addicted to depression, I promise that it comes too (and irony too).
Anyway, I had no other. The world demanded too much of me and my body, my mind and my spirit, they were not going to bear it, I had to undertake the mission and adventure of living sober, since it is not an addiction I could not leave as an average thread, that is, I have had to cultivate it. So I make a call to publicity to help us and tell us what follows after the "no drink." because life doesn't get better immediately, you have to really want to.
I repeat, I would love to convince someone that the remedy exists. And seen from a mind like mine, distorted by the collective unconscious, it would be that of find grace in what seems to me to be nothing to write home about. Start there.
Don't pay too much attention to me, I always had a bad reputation for seeing the world as rosy and for being a compulsive optimist. Forget it, they insist my desire to convince them and let them come to the side Jedi when the darkside it's the funniest thing there is.